


In Which Pete Wentz Thinks He's Getting Cheated On With A Cactus

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: A Cactus Is Sexualized, Bodily Fluids, Bodily Functions, Christoph Waltz Is Shipped, Consent Isn't Clearly Given So That's Why It's Not "no archive warnings apply", Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, No Plot/Plotless, Omorashi, Oral Sex, Other, Overuse Of The Word "Sexy" And Its Variations, Pete Wentz Has A Plan, Pete Wentz Is Horny, Pete Wentz has a piss kink hhhhhhh, Plants Are Sexualized, Revenge, Revenge Sex, Smut, They Have Sex In A Mall Bathroom, Unusual Pairings, Urination Accidents, Watersports, Weird Plot Shit, almost, cum, mentions of twilight, omo, that deserves its own warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A strange fanfic written by someone who is unhinged enough to ship Pete Wentz and Christoph Waltz, then add a lot of piss kink in it.
Relationships: christoph waltz/a cactus, pete wentz/christoph waltz
Kudos: 4





	In Which Pete Wentz Thinks He's Getting Cheated On With A Cactus

**Author's Note:**

> It's not meant to be taken seriously or anything so PLEASE calm your tits,,,

Pete and chris are dating and they're watching twilight for their daily dose of cringe. Christoph is pretty disgusted because Edward is weird but Pete thinks that's very cool and sexy. Then peter says "hey sexy do you want to go to the plant shop that opened now??!?" and Christoph was like "yeah I want a cactus I always wanted to have a cactus but you always put it in our food or throw them out so they never last longer than a week" and Pete says "I mean they aren't really that important but I want to get you a cactus because you're my sexy boyfriend and you deserve a cactus". Then they eat pure, cold, hard baguette and then pEter drives them to the plant shop and when they get there there is a medium sized spiky cactus in front of it so christ is like "oh my omg this one is just like i wanted!!!!!!" and Peter is like "omg it's such a sexy one its going to look so seductive on the table!?!!!" and then christoph buys the very thicc hot cactus and they drive back home. When they get there petar says "let's put it on the table now because thicc booty cactus" and Christaph is like "yass please finally" and puts the cactus on the table. Then life proceeds and cRistoph is looking a lot at the thicc sexy cactus and not enough at pete's thicc sexy ass and hot legs. That was very offensive and Peter started feeling very cheated on. He had been hesitant to keep cactuses because they are such seductive plants and he didn't want to be replaced by a cactus so he always put them in salad and burned it. But then Peete had a plan. First he needed to feed the Chris a lot of water and juice so he would need to urinate then he would drag him to go to the mall and when thE chris needed to find the bathroom he would make so he did not find it. Then when the Chris went to the bathroom pete would follow and then he would wait and since the Chris was wearing jeans he has to open the jeans to do the urination. Then the plan would be completed and chris would have a urination accident. This was the perfect revenge, especially because Pete has a piss kink.  
Pete then went to christoph calmly and asked "do you want to go to the mall so we can buy sexy jeans?!??" and then Chris looked away from the cactus and was like "yass we should". pEte said "okay do you want some water" and Chris said "please but is it cold?" and Pete said "yes". Then PeTe gave him a very large water bottle. Chris then drank almost the whole bottle so it didn't get warm and kept some to take to the mall. Then they left and they didn't talk a lot in the car for some reason. When they got there there weren't a lot of people so Peter dragged cHris to the sexy attractive jeans shop. Chris needed to urinate already but he didn't say it because he himself was kind of liking the sexy jeans shop but Pete knew. Then they talked a lot and were sexy, and Pete bought attractive jeans. Then Chris finally said "pete i need to go to the bathroom like right now do you know where it isss???!?" so Peet decided to continue his plan and he said "yes I know follow me". Then they walked for like 10 minutes and christoph was like "peter do you really know where it is" but Peter said "yes of course just a bit further". The thing was, Pete didn't know where the third floor bathroom was so he wasn't really lying. But well. At least he would end up getting his revenge anyway. Getting cheated on with a cactus is actually disgusting and he can't eww. Then it took a bit longer but then Pete ACTUALLY saw the bathroom. It was far but then he could get there and it would all go as planned. Well no. Pete said "chris the bathroom is there see???!?" and then Chris said "thanks". He almost got there but then he started having a urination accident. Nobody was really seeing but chRis was literally pissing himself. Pete watched every second of it because omg that was so hot. Thankfully he didn't notice Pete watching like 10 meters behind him otherwise he would have been horribly embarrassed and it would have been lowkey sad. He went into the bathroom and for some reason there was nobody there so then he went into one of the stalls. Pete was following him so when Christoph went into the stall Pete was there too and then was blushing a lot and said "pete I'm so sorry i kinda didn't mean to do that". Pete's big cock was very hard but he didn't let Chris see it so he said "no it's fine i found it so hot". Chris was very confused. He never knew Pete had a piss kink but at least that made him feel better since he knew Peter didn't hate him. Pete then unzipped his hot jeans unleashing his big hard cock. Then he pushed Chris onto his knees and said "suck it ;:;:;;". Chris took it immediately amd then started slowly licking the tip and then shoving it deeper into his throat. Pete grabbed Christoph's hair and pulled it back and forth for him to move his head like that which made him gag but it was fine because he's so hot and sexy. Chris would sometimes slightly bite Pete's thick cock for obvious reasons and that turned pEte on even more. It was the hottest thing ever even though it was kinda very painful. Then Pete sexily cummed all over Chris and his shirt and jeans. His plan didn't work the way he imagined it but it was even better because he got to see cHris be all blushy and embarrassed and that was so hot. Peter pushed Chris off of him because it was getting late and there were people in the crusty ass unsexy mall bathroom and then Chris was like "pete what am i going to do I need new pants i can't leave like this!?!?!?!!" but Pete said "it's not like anyone cares like just get up and get the cum off of your hair". Pete covered christOph's pants with his jacket and then they speeded out and Pete drove home like 20 mph over the speed limit but somehow they didn't get into a crash. Then they got home and pEter kicked that cactus out the window never to be seen again. Fuck you cactus.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for your brain, It may have collapsed.


End file.
